


i think i've made my choice (i think i've found my voice)

by solar_crystals (moonlit_aura)



Series: do not go gentle into that good night [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Descent into Madness, Gen, Insane Wilbur Soot, Retrospective, The Sky Gods, Wilbur Soot-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27235249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlit_aura/pseuds/solar_crystals
Summary: sometimes you get tired of people who expect you to act the same when everything is different.or:wilbur has a different set of expectations than his brothers and feels as though it's at least a bit unfair considering the past and the present.
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot
Series: do not go gentle into that good night [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1991329
Comments: 9
Kudos: 320





	i think i've made my choice (i think i've found my voice)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is what I've been up to these past few weeks. Admittedly, it's not my best work (probably because I did it during a Literary Studies lecture) but it's a little introspection into Wilbur's character. Yes, that literally means character, it's block roleplay and some people need to deal with it.  
> I tried to capture this feeling of frustration, deterioration and apathy but it may have ended up a mess so please give me feedback.
> 
> Also, it's been quite some time since I last used AO3, so a disclaimer here that Schlatt and Eret are only mentioned briefly.
> 
> TITLE: Saline Solution by Wilbur Soot
> 
> find me on twitter: @nightmareofhers

when tommy got mad, it was a blaze scorching everything in its way.

it was sudden and volatile, blinding like a flash of light, coming in fast as a lightning and fading just as quickly afterwards, leaving a burnt path. tommy's ire was unexpected in its bursts but predictable in its causation, the boy ridiculously easy to anger by the littlest things.

most often, it was easy to calm him down, a mad blaze cooling to glowing embers deep in his heart. his wrath was, somewhat counterintuitively, easy to blow out as if it was just a lit up candle.

sometimes though it exploded into a forest fire, fury burning long after the offense was made. it was hard to forget and burning into the memories of people present, coming only when he lost something that really mattered. but that kind of fury was special and reserved to the most dire situations.

people didn't get surprised when tommy got mad. it was normal of him and people always found ways to justify it.

* * *

when techno got mad, it was like a flood disrupting everything in its way.

it was overwhelming, too big to wrap your mind around and going at you from all sides to the point where you weren't even able to account for all the directions the attacks were coming from. his anger was captivating and unfeeling, but mostly sharply contrasting with the norm.

because most often techno was calm and steady like a lake in the middle of a forest, somewhat refreshing and reliable to be around. and so it strikes you even more when the water starts rising and roaring in wild, untamable rage.

people didn't get surprised when techno got mad. it was normal and people always praised him for his abilities and agreed that the title of "the blood god" was quite accurate.

* * *

when wilbur got mad, it was just ice-cold.

he was supposed to be the calm one out of the three of them, the one to keep the other two at bay. he wasn't much of a fighter and people looked at him as the artistic, peaceful one. he wasn't known for anything strictly intimidating or dangerous and he was always met with surprise or even shock when he did do something of the sort. to them he was supposed to be a stoic general, a calm mentor to his brother. he was not supposed to cause danger. he was supposed to be the sidelines.

it made him bitter, in a way. what was the difference between him and his brothers? why were _they_ allowed to become unhinged and get praise for it if he only got shocked reactions for even slightly stepping out of the strict lines of status quo? why was their aggression treated as a good joke while his as something disturbing that needed pointing out?

there is this short story about a frog in a pot, not noticing the water in it is getting hotter until it's too late to jump out.

and the thing about ice-cold anger is surely that you don't notice how steadily it rises until it's overwhelming and you're freezing, you're dying, you're shaking and gasping, desperate for anything to warm you up and make you feel any emotion.

people did get surprised when wilbur got mad because he mostly tamed his feelings and didn't show his anger. but a man who believes he has nothing left to lose doesn't need to care about things like that.

nobody to trust. nobody to side with. all alone. cold cold cold and alone. who cares what everyone thinks if they betrayed him or are about to do so? he can't even trust himself. the only way to solve it all is total destruction. tabula rasa. everything wiped and started from the beginning. why bother thinking if you should use people to reach your goal if they do exactly the same? It's cold and they can only make it worse so use them before they use you.

it's cold.

(it's cold and he's replacable but it's okay because he's dying)

(it's cold and he desperately swims up, the surface of the water rising, and his breath is almost out and the panic squeezes his throat)

(it's unbearably hot so he wills himself to be stone-cold, unmoving and making a hard barrier to protect himself and not show his real feelings)

(it's so cold up in the middle of nowhere, with only the gods hearing him, his cries echoing and being mocked)

(his mind is frozen cold as he himself becomes a vessel for gods, being a tool of their will)

(the lake is cold when he falls into it and so is his heart when he's betrayed by a false ally, the first but for sure not the last)

(it keeps freezing more and more as he watches everyone he trusted not caring, being happy he's gone, destroying things he created out of love)

(his heart breaks into shards of ice when he realizes he must be the bad one, he can't even trust himself, so this time he's dying and taking everyone with him)

something in him cries out to stop but he pretends he doesn't hear it as he hums the words of a song softly, all alone in a cold, cold room.

maybe if he does this, he'll finally feel like he's in control.


End file.
